My wedding was not what you would say traditional. Some things were. Some things were not.
The main things that were not:
1) Our vows… I did not want the traditional "wives submit yourselves…" I believe that is a load of misinterpretation.
2) The line "who gives this woman" was not included in the dialog. At the age of 26 I was living alone in my own house with my own job to pay for my own house… I most certainly did not belong to my father or my mother and I am just as much their daughter now as I was before I was married.
3) The one I get the most crap for… I have not changed my name. On Facebook it says "Annette Ostrander-Fenske, however my drivers license, social security card, library card, credit card, name on the deed of the house, name on the title of my car, name on my business card, name on my passport… (you get the idea) still says "Annette Ostrander". The thing is… Why would anyone ask someone else to do something that they them self would NEVER consider doing (changing their last name). Many men, including my husband, would NEVER consider changing their last name, but have no problem expecting "the love of their life" to happily give up her last name to take theirs. I just don't get it.
I just sat through a traditional marriage ceremony…. And thats fine I guess if that is what someone REALLY WANTS to do… everyone has a right to plan their own wedding, however I do wonder if the reason they do it the same way everyone else does is because they are afraid to break the tradition, afraid of what people will say and think… So they just go along with it because they don't want to make any waves…
I don't care about waves. Bring on the waves, bring on a freaking tsunami if need be. I will not conform to the way of the world just because "thats just the way it is". That answer has never been good enough, that answer will never be good enough.
SO the traditional wedding… They have the father walk the daughter down the isle. The mother is apparently not as important because it's obvious that testicles are superior to ovarys'… never mind that the mother is the one who carried the daughter around inside her for 9 months, went through all sorts of great times in the delivery room, faced the challenges of post delivery (body and emotional) and most likely spent more time caring for the daughter as she was growing… despite all that, her less superior ovarys' have her sitting down in a row of chairs as the holder of the testicles answers the questions "who gives this woman"….
After the giving of the walking hunk of meat in the white dress she/it/whatever… must then vow to submit to her husband and let him be the head of the house hold…(who would willing sign up for all that anyway?… single and on your own, making your own choices, or marry someone to control you… hmmm...) That statement in those vows sure leaves a lot open to interpretation… Yes, the man must state he will love the woman as Christ loved the church, and care for her as he cares for his own body.. .. The bride better hope her new master takes good care of his body, otherwise she has very little to look forward to...
After that and it's all said and done, the holder of the testicle gets to "kiss his bride".. his new property… and then they are pronounced Mr & Mrs testicle holder's first name, testicle holders last name… some happy music plays and they prance down the isle… The end.. happily ever after right?
You see… the thing is, is that I DO NOT WANT testicles. I have no desire to be male. I just want to be treated as the equal I am in the areas I am equal. I understand quite well that Men and Women are different. Men are better at some things, women are better at some things. I understand (or at least I think I do) how these traditions were set in place…. I understand why some men, and people want them to stay that way… and I don't approve or appreciate the reasoning, at least none that I have heard.
Sure, back when the world was less civilized women needed more protection, men in their grossness and evilness (not to say women are perfect, but men have used their power and strength to force woman into submission many many many more times than the opposite has happened). Back then Fathers needed to really protect their daughters from rape and murder… when a woman married a man, that responsibility was given from the father to the new husband….and thats the nice version, as you know back then women were treated as property, but we won't talk about that right now.. lets just say it was for protection… Well now we have police, government, and well… guns, and women are just fine at using a gun if they work on it. Maybe some women do not want to and they want a man to hide behind, and thats fine… I'll admit if someone broke into my house my husband would be the one going down the stairs first… why? because he's a better shot than me… If I was a better shot I would go first… I don't think I ever will be, but if I was…
So that whole giving the woman away thing… why? Why now? Our clothes are not the same as they were 100 years ago, we use computers now, so many things have changed… why not marriage, and the marriage triditions.
The submitting thing… The bible also says that we are to submit ourselves to each other… why don't they read that verse at weddings instead? It also says "Love one Another" In a good marriage I don't think anyone would ever talk about submitting to each other, because if you both follow what the bible says, respect each other, love each other, treat each other as you would want to be treated… Anyone submitting to anyone would not be something that would come up in conversation.
As for the name… I get it, it would be nice to have a "one family name" but why should it be the males name? I like my name… My parents chose to name me that name.. Then it gets complicated because I have my fathers last name… but my mother did CHOOSE to change her name.. I have not chosen. And whats wrong with that? I am not a possession, I am not less than my husband, I am not less important in the relationship, I do not contribute less… God made me in his image also… I matter too.
